Åland is a place that seldom makes the news, so I was startled to hear an Ålander interviewed after midnight (or rather, twilight, this morning) on the BBC.
(I'm familiar with the place, because I used to collect its stamps. I used to subscribe to its postal service. Åland is a group of islands in the Baltic sea between Sweden and Finland. The people speak Swedish, but are politically tied to Finland.)
I caught the interview in the middle of it, so I wasn't sure why Åland wanted to mess up the EU (European Union).
I did a little search and found some articles in The Brussels Journal:
http://www.brusselsjournal.com/node/791
http://www.brusselsjournal.com/node/821
Basically, what's going on is that sweeping EU laws are cramping Ålanders' lifestyle. The islanders can't hunt ducks and chew tobacco, according to recent EU laws enacted. Since Åland is not a sovereign nation (Finland handles their foreign policy and some other stuff), the EU won't let the islanders defend their 'baccy chewin' ways before the European Court of Justice. You see, the ECJ wants to fine 'em for their sins.
So Åland is thinking of vetoing Finland's upcoming ratification vote on the European Constitution. (which was voted down, last year, in France and the Netherlands). I think the Ålanders are trying to cut a deal with the EU overlords -- let us chew tobacco, and we'll make nice about the constitution.
If that doesn't work, if the EU doesn't bite, then will Åland go militant? Not likely; this ain't Iraq. The islands are demilitarised by law; that's the way they wanted it. So maybe they need some help from an advocate, someone who can put pressure on the EU and ECJ.
I nominate our Veep, Dick Cheney. After all, he likes hunting ducks. He's gone hunting with Supreme Court judges. He was involved in a recent hunting accident.
What if he were to invite members of the ECJ to go hunting with him... It wouldn't be hard to imagine him working his stoic charm on their Big Government mentality, and persuading them to see the error of their ways. (A little buckshot applied to certain parts of the body can be very effective...)
And who's to know what transpired? Cheney is known to be very discrete.
Can Åland afford Cheney's fees? As one might imagine, the Veep does not come cheap. (After all, he once was CEO of Halliburton.)
Maybe the Åland postal service can discover ways to encourage an exponential increase in the popularity of their stamps (like adding interesting substances to the glue on the back of certain high denomination issues)...
Of course, it would take more than a philatelic revenue uptick to generate enough moolah to put a down payment on Cheney's services.
There are dozens of other very lucrative ideas out there, waiting to be implemented. (And I'm not talking about meth labs...)
And you know, it might be a good time to approach Cheney, because he may want to escape the current attention of the rabid liberal mainstream American media. What better place to chill, out of sight, than Mariehamn, the capital of Åland.
Well, 'nuff said. Better quit, before I get myself in heaps of trouble from the Åland Secret Police...
...or as Mr. Cheney would say, if he spoke Swedish:
Tala är silver men tigar är guld
Posted by raacluse at February 16, 2006 10:47 PM